haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
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Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
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A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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