she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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