i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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