You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
