There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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