drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
