The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
