I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
