I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
