I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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