Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
