Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
