I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
