he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
