Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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