lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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