and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
