She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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