Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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