My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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