i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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