I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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