woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
