she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
