So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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