Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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