Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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