so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
