were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
This house was built for laser tag.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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