Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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