you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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