He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
