You're my little dorito
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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