Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(904): View more from Florida

I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.

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(904): I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything. http://tfl.nu/zym5

Replies (71) Good night (768) Bad night (2876)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down

(919): View more from North Carolina

i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him

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(336): he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down (919): i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him http://tfl.nu/upw6

Replies (67) Good night (4004) Bad night (1228)
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(301): View more from Maryland

saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.

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(301): saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark. http://tfl.nu/xqm1

Replies (8) Good night (641) Bad night (4387)
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(847): View more from Illinois

stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever

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(847): stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever http://tfl.nu/se2n

Replies (47) Good night (6921) Bad night (997)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on

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(864): I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on http://tfl.nu/cdph

Replies (14) Good night (3566) Bad night (798)
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(913): View more from Kansas

hows the party?

(816): View more from Missouri

ists fjcssing insceredle

(913): View more from Kansas

be there in 10

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(913): hows the party? (816): ists fjcssing insceredle (913): be there in 10 http://tfl.nu/innz

Replies (61) Good night (27358) Bad night (1560)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.

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(919): he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'. http://tfl.nu/h82o

Replies (13) Good night (3799) Bad night (1255)
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(716): View more from New York

is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?

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(716): is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex? http://tfl.nu/cm27

Replies (14) Good night (908) Bad night (4002)
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(850): View more from Florida

I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity

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(850): I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity http://tfl.nu/pmac

Replies (6) Good night (3198) Bad night (1164)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.

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(414): Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/gfee

Replies (6) Good night (819) Bad night (1744)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.

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(832): Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage. http://tfl.nu/2oqv

Replies (1) Good night (2232) Bad night (825)
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet

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(920): If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet http://tfl.nu/w7lt

Replies (3) Good night (2012) Bad night (761)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.

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(610): I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA. http://tfl.nu/fhl1

Replies (5) Good night (1166) Bad night (406)
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(971): View more from Oregon

Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.

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(971): Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love. http://tfl.nu/5pup

Replies (6) Good night (1026) Bad night (470)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.

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(201): There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now. http://tfl.nu/vb5o

Replies (1) Good night (589) Bad night (344)

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