Texts From Last Night

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  (718): View more from New York

  There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...

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  (718): There's a dildo in the cheerios box here... http://tfl.nu/sohe
  Replies (12) Good night (1421) Bad night (706)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.

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  (214): Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry. http://tfl.nu/h3dm
  Replies (20) Good night (2620) Bad night (1078)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out

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  (410): I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out http://tfl.nu/hdo3
  Replies (12) Good night (1307) Bad night (3630)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.

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  (254): There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN. http://tfl.nu/m7t2
  Replies (35) Good night (7366) Bad night (1626)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.

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  (402): my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen. http://tfl.nu/06g9
  Replies (2) Good night (4199) Bad night (1367)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.

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  (315): I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism. http://tfl.nu/5nmw
  Replies (8) Good night (3735) Bad night (1116)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?

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  (845): I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain? http://tfl.nu/0jn9
  Replies (9) Good night (4589) Bad night (993)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises

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  (306): You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises http://tfl.nu/ccm4
  Replies (4) Good night (1753) Bad night (1046)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.

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  (602): If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for. http://tfl.nu/540a
  Replies (17) Good night (1794) Bad night (524)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts

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  (512): Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts http://tfl.nu/16ua
  Replies (9) Good night (479) Bad night (1018)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You need a twittervention. You're better than this.

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  (978): You need a twittervention. You're better than this. http://tfl.nu/6sfs
  Replies (7) Good night (843) Bad night (682)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  How stoned are you?

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  (406): 3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant. (1-406): How stoned are you? http://tfl.nu/v7x3
  Replies (1) Good night (756) Bad night (375)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  How high are you?

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  (405): All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes. (1-405): How high are you? http://tfl.nu/bptv
  Replies (4) Good night (677) Bad night (304)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?

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  (913): I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box? http://tfl.nu/v8k1
  Replies (3) Good night (348) Bad night (626)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!

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  (630): You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night! http://tfl.nu/cpze
  Replies (2) Good night (360) Bad night (134)

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