Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.