I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man