i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
