Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
