I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
