I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
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We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
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I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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