weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
