instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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