I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I can't turn off my feet"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
