I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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