8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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