I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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