You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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