I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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