is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
