If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
