smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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