I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just had sex bonerless
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
