I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
As shirtless as possible
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
