At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
