your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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