we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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