I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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