Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
