Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
