4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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