Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize