Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize