im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
