This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
