At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
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You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
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Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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