i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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