I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
