He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
