I hate your face
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
