I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
