I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
