Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
