Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
