Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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