listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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